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Feedback Form Analysis (Season 3 Arc 8) Segment 1 - General
🕑 Added 2022-06-28 14:00:54 +0000 UTCHello there,
I’ve been wanting to put one of these feedback evaluations into writing for a while now and I decided today is as good a day as any. These evaluations will be separated by segment. I will go through each question, comment on the results, occasionally explain why I asked them, or what I will do with that knowledge. For freely written comments, I will pick out a few that had questions or comments inside them that I find relevant.
For most of the graphs the following rule applies: Leftmost means there is disagreement with the question asked, rightmost means agreement, middle means ambivalence. Where the question is posed in a manner that there is no direct disagreement to be had, the structure goes, leftmost is negative, rightmost is positive, middle is neutral. Hope that is understandable.
This is written on 28th of June, when the feedback form was at 94 total responses.
Segment 1: General Feedback
Nothing to see here. The slightest of skewing towards “a bit slow” but not enough to be really statistically relevant. Pacing appears to have been fine.
Logically follows, there is the slightest bit of skewing towards “too long”, but again, not enough to be relevant for my analysis. This disagrees with intuition, I thought that certain stretches were very… stretched, but that’s exactly what I have this data for.
Unsurprisingly, the finale wins out with almost half the vote. A distant second is Lorelei joining. Neither is unexpected. The other four are pretty balanced. Nothing to really gleam from this.
Now, here the top two are much closer. What this tells me is that Lorelei’s joining was wildly popular. It also tells me that the Landing in the Iron Domain segment has relatively more people that specifically like it than the rest, due to the difference it has in general votes compared to the options that were similarly popular in the previous question. I suspect a lot of people didn’t find the set-up that enticing, as it had a lot of low-stake scenes with little in the ways the spectacular or the satisfying.
I personally deem this as a necessary structural weakpoint of a set-up, but I will reflect more on this to see if I can make future intros to new settings a bit more exciting.
Now, for the write-in comments.
Question 1: My favourite action scene this arc was…
For this one, there are no specific answers I want to highlight. Most of them are dedicated to the final fight, for which we have more details later.
Question 2: My favourite emotional scene this arc was…
Again, nothing specific to highlight. This is a mixture of several Claire scenes, the most mentioned being John’s “You’re not an Ironborn” speech and her looking to the sky after defeating the Iron Maiden. Also often mentioned are Max’s ascension to Quarter Elemental and his marriage proposal. Occasional mentions are Nightingale courting and Lorelei.
Question 3: Personal thoughts about the writing in this arc and where it might need improvement.
Comment 1: The Horned Rat chapter Heart of it All had a couple small things that added up.
"Hurry" was used as a noun; "haste" was probably what you meant.
The multiple paragraphs inbetween Nia offering help, and The Horned Rat responding, while not really an issue itself, highlighted the slightly awkward wording of his response. I think "enforce" may have been the wrong word. "Force" would have been adequate, I think, but "insist" with a rephrasing of the sentence so it fits, would probably have been better.
Then the sentence "Short as the leap was, he simply leapt over." feels a bit silly, as its using the noun meaning of a word followed by the past tense of the verb meaning.
Response 1: While I do appreciate the interest in pointing out typos, this was actually not what I meant by this. Just wanted to highlight this comment because of that. What is pointed out in this comment is CORRECT, but it is also specific to a chapter. The spirit of the question is about general writing in this arc, so any weird trends or overuses of words you may have picked up. ^^
Comment 2: The arc was near flawless, but I had trouble visualising the environment in the final fight scenes, the black sphere, the iron fingers, the pillar of iron and the fighting dome, I didn't quite get where stuff was? Idk if that makes sense
Response 2: That does make sense and I was wondering how to describe these things better at times. Massive arena descriptions are a bit difficult. Will try to improve on this.
Comment 3: I really enjoyed this arc. I liked how it was action-oriented, even though I prefer world/city building and relationship developments and interactions within the harem. One thing that got me a little worried was Rave/Moira scene. Kinda hope it was just a fling and nothing more since it doesn't look like she will be a good addition to the harem because she seems to be gay or very heavily bisexual. So, it wouldn't make sense for Rave to have anything more with her other than casual. Feels like the size of the harem reaches the limit of its capacity where John would be able to satisfy everyone sexually and, moreover, emotionally. While the girls in the group can help each other out, it seems like the larger the group becomes the deeper the connections they might have to make with people other than John. Rave and Moira is one such example. Don't take it too close to heart since it is just the feeling I am getting from the interactions. Would be great if you could address this issue down the line. I know you did address it in previous arcs to some extent but it would be great if you could reassure the "anti-NTR" part of the audience or make a remark if this is where the story is leading towards. Kinda feel like I did a poor job at explaining myself... Basically wouldn't want to see romantic attachments from girls in the harem to people outside the harem. But mine is just one voice. I would still enjoy the story if my worries were to become a reality.
Response 3: Two things to address here. One, the Rave/Moira scene was indeed just a fling. There may be future scenes of those two, it is a popular demand, but they aren’t exactly romantically involved. Moira also isn’t exactly a lesbian, there’s just… additional factors that other branches go deeper into. Second, as you ask, you can take this as reassurance for the “anti-NTR” crowd. I personally am part of it, it is among my least favourite tags/tropes in hentai and I have only become stronger in that stance in recent years. This is part of the reason why the futa content has practically disappeared in this branch. Although the larger part of that is also that I just lost my interest in futa.
Anyway, my way to circumvent the ‘critical harem mass’ issue is to give John more bodies. With the Creator Puppet, he now has three that are fully functional in terms of social and erotic activity. The bigger issue for the harem size is screentime, because writing is such a limited information bandwidth medium, but that’s a different issue.
TLDR: I have no plans to have any of the haremettes develop romantic feelings outside the bounds of the harem. Any little engagements
Comment 4: Maybe slightly less cliffhangers for the daily release readers?
Response 4: Statistics have shown that people give me additional Likes when I put in a terrible cliffhanger. It has also shown that people give me less Likes when I put several of them in the row. Numbers aside, nothing can replace the sweet tortured cries of readers demanding what is next. In short: the cliffhangers are here to stay. >:P
Comment 5: Meteroa's build up and then ending happening off screen was a huge let down.
Response 5: That’s fair. I just couldn’t find a good fit for her without compromising the entire final stretch pacing.
Comment 6: I really want to see Eliana finish melding, it feels like it's been forever since the last time she melded more
Response 6: As it currently stands, there is only one instance of melding left. You may understand that I am keeping that particular development for a big moment.
